but why can't i just do that?

cos i dunwant t give up my freedom. not for waitressing. even w my friends and the cool environment, i can't reconcile it w myself. maybe i am really a snob. do i look down on people who serve people?

i wish i knew what was wrong. to not want t do smth so much. and yet, try t make myself do it. cos others CAN. but i CAN'T. how stupid does that sound? how silly, how contrived.

and it does torment me. i just wish things were simpler. that people wuld never ask one if one's working and as what. there's this pressure t find a job. a regular one. but i don't need the money and i still have other sources o income. SO WHY CAN'T I just let it go? i keep holding on t all this broken threads, and they just keep slipping away from my grasp.

can i just tell everyone t f- off and let me be? that this is my last formal holiday - truly carefree? there isnt much time left, considering i might do early matriculation @ smu. so many reasons, i do a good job o convincing myself. but i'm not.

this rat race is tiring me.
and the worse thing is, i havent even stepped in it formally.